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IGNITE Your Natural Pace

Human nature. What is “human nature”? Is human nature the drive to be successful? Is it the unconditional love we give our children? Is it human nature to be envious of others or selfish? An AI definition states, human nature is a complex mix of biological and physiological factors, also including social and cultural influences. Human nature is our genetic make-up and how our environment has shaped us. It’s how our brain reacts to situations along with giving us the ability to reason. Basically, everything that makes you YOU is human nature. So, what is defined by “human nature” is the special uniqueness that makes us special and unique. In this episode of IGNITE we will discuss how to use our own human nature pace making us the empowering PACE, Positive And Compensatory Experience, that we are and that we continue to evolve into!

Dr. Gordon Neufield believes there are four non-negotiable needs for children to have present in our childhood to reach the fullest potential that Nature has intended for us. Let’s discuss these four non-negotiable needs in relation to our coaching.

The Attachment Relationship puts importance on how the child feels attached. We can shower with tons of motivation, pour out tons of energy, spread all the love and little to none of it will be received by our team of girls. The key is to take notice of your girls’ emotional needs and meet them where they are feeling. Use your Spectator Pace to identify when emotional needs are being met or are not being met. Just as a baby cries to get needs met, our girls also “cry” to get needs met. Her cry could be excessive talking and interruptions- she could be needing to feel heard or seen. Her cry could be isolating herself from the group- she could be needing quiet away from overwhelm or chaos. Her cry could be a consistent concern for when snacks will be given- she could be needing extra fuel for her body and mind because she didn’t like what they had for lunch. Build the foundation to your relationship by tuning into the girls’ behaviors and feelings based on their needs, not your needs or expectations.
The Sense of Attachment Security invites the girls to relax in the space without feeling they have to earn or work for our coaching, our motivation, or our concern. They feel accepted without effort. You can think about the Attachment Relationship as the roots and the Attachment Security is the soil. It holds the roots in place and nourishes it to it’s potential. Set your Pace to provide unconditional attachment for your team. They are part of your team because they meet the basic requirements, not because they have earned it or have to work to be there. Nurture the relationship with gratitude for every personality, strength, and weakness on the team. Christine Caine perfectly states, “To build a strong team, you must see someone else’s strengths as a complement to your weakness and not a threat to your position or authority."
Having Permission to Feel All Emotions puts emphasis on the girl feeling comfortable enough to be her own unique, individual self without judgement, correction, or dismissal. Our team of girls can relax in the space to show their frustrations, upsets, and uncomfortable feelings no matter how they are expressing them. Most uncomfortable behaviors (i.e. outbursts, yelling, isolating, bullying, whining, etc.) are present because of an uncomfortable feeling(s) the girl is experiencing. Bring your empathetic space to the forefront and remember to acknowledge her upset feelings and emotions. Acknowledge the behavior is warranted, because to her brain it makes complete sense. Acknowledge her emotions by stating, “I can see you are upset or hurt or angry….” and let her rest for a moment in that space of being accepted. Remind her it is okay to feel and express her feelings within the boundaries and expectations of the practice. Use a GOTR lesson to guide her through uncomfortable moments, feelings, and energy. Chelsey Goodan advises us in her book, Underestimated: The Wisdom and Power of Teenage Girls, to “agree that her emotions [are] valid. It [i]sn’t about [us] fixing something for her, which is generally our first inclination.”
To Experience Free Play is liberating, motivating, and vital to keep us moving forward. Humans “play” throughout the entire life span. The “play” looks different at each stage of our life. Think about how you played in your 20’s compared to your 40’s or your teen years. What did your brain, heart, and soul need to let go of life pressures and successes? Consider how babies play compared to how ten year olds play. What do their brains and bodies need to thrive and ignite their bold hearts? As long as the feeling is “fun,” we can consider it PLAY. Get your Fun Pace going with the knowledge of how your team naturally plays at their age. An eight year old thrives in group activities where she can socialize at the same time. Let them be chatty! A ten year old flourishes with rules and problem solving. Give them confidence to strategize as a team when any issues arise during a practice. A twelve year old is naturally more insightful and has the capacity to be empathetic. She will also see both sides of an argument, so give her a mediator’s role during practices to empower her team. Have FUN with the natural tendencies of humans!

As a coach, we naturally put importance on our girls’ feelings and emotions. We roll at our Spectator Pace observing and reflecting on where we need to meet our girls in their present moment feelings and emotions. We naturally provide a space for our girls to feel safe and secure in themselves, their goals, their failures and accomplishments. We bring on our Fun Pace to flow with the excessive chatter, roller coaster moods, and celebrations. Our Natural Pace is good enough and strong enough. Our Natural Pace fuels our own bold and resilient heart that wraps around each girl on our team, giving them the best parts of us, empowering them in the best parts of themselves!

Shayla A is the Coach Mentor for Girls on the Run Greater Kansas City. Her background comes from the classroom, coaching, day treatment schools, wellness, and advocating for children with special needs. She enjoys empowering and advocating for girls and coaches

in every challenge and celebration. Connect with her for support and assistance this season via call, text, or email. shaylaaranda@gmail.com | 816-284-9770

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